Lately I have been struggling with my training. Between the weather, not feeling well and then the mental blocks, I have been having a hard time. So much doubt kept popping in. With work, studying for a work related exam, training and fund raising, I just have so much on my plate. And I want some sort of a social life too!
I think overall I was just getting a bit burnt out by everything. I needed a little break. Having a little bit of the chest cold that plagued my office forced me to slow down. Every day last week after work, I went home, changed and laid down for the night. I really needed that. But it made getting back into running that much harder and scarier!
Last week we had a marathon team training on nurtition. That really helped motivate me. I knew I wasn't eating enough, but I didn't realize HOW much I was off. I had done some online research about a month ago and figured to maintain my current weight with my level of exercise, I should be eatting about 2200 calories a day. I have been struggling to eat THAT much food! At our meeting, our team coach said we should be eatting 3000 calories a day! Now THAT'S a ton of calories!
During the training our coach said doubts are normal. He spoke about the ups and downs. That really helped me put things in perpsective. I felt much better after that.
Since I took basically all of last week off, when I did a long run on Sunday I didn't want to kill myself, so I did 8 miles. It felt good and I felt good. Monday my IT bands were throbbing, so Monday night I pulled out the foam roller and did my best to work it out. Between that and ice, it helped.
Last night I had a great yoga class too. I love my yoga teach Stacey. At the begining of class I mentioned my IT bands and during class she did a great stretch to help it. It was a pose I haven't done before... similiar to Lotus but a little different.
It was funny, because I couldn't see her as she got into the posture. She walked around and helped us get into the pose. When she helped me and I finally got into it, she asked, "Can you feel it?" I said, "Um, no." I didn't feel anything. She said back, "You're really flexible, just fold forward." So I bent forward and put my head down to my legs... THEN I could feel my hips and IT band stretching. It felt great!
Tonight after work I headed to the gym. The weather is so much better, but I still don't really have a safe enough outdoor route that I can run alone after dark. Especially since we still have so much snow and the roads are still narrow. It just isn't safe enough. The last thing I need is to get hit!
So I hopped on a treadmill, walked for about 5 minutes for a warm up, then shut off the treadmill to start the time and mileage fresh. About a minute into my run, the maintainance guy sweeping in front of me UNPLUG MY TREADMILL! I was there running, then it was just off! I had to get his attention to have him plug it back in. :( Good thing it was only about a minute into my run. (the guys on either side of me were just laughing! I think they were just happy it wasn't them.)
But after restarting up the treadmill, I got in 5 miles and even pushed my pace for a 1/2 mile. Generally I'm at an 11 minute mile pace, but I did a 1/2 mile at 8:30! When I was done I really stretched out for a while, then did a great ab workout. I feel good now.
My 1/2 marathon is on Sunday up in Hampton, NH. While I was running, I was watching the weather on 3 different news stations. Depending on which channel, Sunday's high is 30, 34 or 37. I'm hoping for the 37! But 2 said windy and at least 5 miles of this race is right along the beach.
I'm looking forward to using this race to judge where I am at. I know my biggest problem is still mental. I need to believe in myself more and right now I don't. I have very little confidence in my ability as a runner. I'm scared and I have so many doubts about this. For Sunday I have put all ideas of time out of my mind. I am just going to finish and see how I do. Then I can use that as a judge of where I am at in my training and just move forward from there.
And I am trying to have the same ideas on the marathon. I want to just toss out ideas on time and everything... my only goal is to finish. I just want to cross the finish line and put all other expectations aside. I want to enjoy this!
One of my favorite things with running last year was the time at the track. I loved it. I would go after work, leave everything out on the track. I would meet my friends, socialize and enjoy all of the successes I had with progress. It wasn't any particular schedule... I had finished the couch to 5K. I was just running. If I went further, then I went further. I loved that.
Now I have a schedule. Now I am following training. Now I am doing it alone and now I HAVE to do it. I like doing things because I want to. I don't love doing things because I HAVE to. And if I don't meet my training, I feel disappointed in myself, and that adds to the insecurity I have in my running and in my ability to do this.
So I hope the 1/2 marathon will help. I know I will be out there with at least 1200 other runners (I think that is what the race was capped at, and it sold out weeks ago). I will enjoy running along the coast, in the cool, crisp February air. I have tossed out my expectations and want to have fun. I am just going to go out and see how I do. I just want to finish. And most importantly, I want to have fun doing it and be proud of myself when I finish.
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